I’m Sorry But I Really Mustache!

Thanks Pinterest.

As a girl I have always been intrigued by the mustache. My roommate and I like to think that if we wore a mustache we could get away with illicit activities such as going to McDonalds without being embarrassed. Because hey, we were in disguise and no one knew it was us!

That’s ridiculous, I know. But the mustache is a very mysterious entity. When I saw an article on Yahoo about the best movie mustaches I had to read on! Turns out there are only 3 types of mustaches:

1. The “Sexy.” Turns out only George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Robert Redford look gooooooooood with a mustache. And my mom would say William Hurt in Body Heat…but I can’t go there.

2. The “Funny.” Would Ron Burgundy have been as funny had he been mustacheless? I think not. Would Borat have been the same without Sasha’s mustache? Nope. A different type of this is when the character is epically cool but his mustache is so ridiculous that you can’t take him seriously (Kurt Russell in Tombstone, I’m looking at you.)

3. The “Crazy.” This was kind of touched upon earlier but some mustaches are just out of this world. They go from ridiculous to just plain crazy. This is when the facial hair completely deters from the character or the actor in general. The greatest examples of this type would be Harry Shearer in This is Spinal Tap and Steve Zahn in Happy Texas.

4. The “Creepy.” This is sometimes confused with the crazy but note that it is not the same. A creepy mustache can turn a cute guy like Matt Damon into a pedaphile. It is not to be underestimated. An already creepy fellow can transform into the creepiest man alive with a well-crafted creeper mustache. Antonio Banderas combines a look with the “creepy” and he is pretty terrifying in Four Rooms. Continue and check out Raul Julia’s “creepy” in The Addams Family or heck, just look at John Waters in general! Last but not least…

5. The “Dignified.” This is a common mustache seen on Sean Connery or in a lot of old Western movies. Clark Gable is an icon and I think the top secret reason is his mustache.

All of this is pointless though. Because Tom Selleck is #1 in terms of mustaches. His mustache is legendary and no one should be able to disagree with me. Just don’t try.

Thanks Pinterest. Tom Selleck rocks.

Why I Love Allen Iverson

Thanks Pinterest!

Okay, I lied. This post won’t be all about why I love Allen Iverson. But I do love him. I have a “Got Allen Iverson?” bumper sticker and hoards of memorabilia to prove it. I have every jersey for every team he’s played on, minus Georgetown and Turkey. But I just want to talk about basketball in general, thanks to inspiration from another blog. Just some things on the mind:

1. There is nothing worse than a “show” fan. I went to a Portland Trail Blazers game this past weekend and we (I say “we” because I’m an Oregonian until I graduate from college) were playing the Miami Heat. Fun fact: The Heat have the most bandwagon fans on the face of this planet. And perhaps Mars too. Don’t get me wrong, I think Dwayne Wade and Lebron James are amazingly attractive. I mean talented. But just because you love a player doesn’t mean you just hop from team to team to team like a basketball hussy. I’d marry Lebron in a nanosecond but I still rooted for the Blazers like a tolerable human being. Anyone who started liking the Heat in the past two years should have a soda poured on their head.

2. Objectivity is impossible. Irrationality is possible. Disliking players and teams for no reason at all is very enjoyable for me. But what’s even more enjoyable is latching on to something totally unrelated and using that to hate on them. Example: Tony Parker cheated on his beautiful wife, Eva Longoria, with his teammate’s wife. So in my mind he went from a talented point guard to a sleazy Frenchman. He’s having the best year of his career, go figure. Damn him. P.S. I could spend a whole post dissing on the Lakers in this fashion but perhaps that will come later.

3. Basketball is more than a job. Or it’s just a job. How many times has someone said “It’s not personal, it’s business”? Countless. Dwight Howard basically said it when he demanded to be traded a while ago. Players do that from time to time and usually they get traded immediately. The Magic, however, kept him and could keep him the whole season before his contract runs out.

What if marriages or divorces worked like that? “Oh hey honey, I want to leave you right now. I want to be with someone who will give me more money. You don’t do enough for me and I’ve stuck around for years and years and I’m not happy so I’m done.” And the spouse replies, “No, sorry, you’re stuck with me for the year. ” Talk about awkward. All of his teammates know he wants out. All of the fans know. How do you still want to be around the guy? If it’s just a job, then why can’t he pack a box of sleeves and Under Armour shirts and just leave?

4. I love Allen Iverson. Yeah, I really do. He deserves a ring. Luke Walton should hand over his ring, that’s the truth.