I’m Sorry But I Really Mustache!

Thanks Pinterest.

As a girl I have always been intrigued by the mustache. My roommate and I like to think that if we wore a mustache we could get away with illicit activities such as going to McDonalds without being embarrassed. Because hey, we were in disguise and no one knew it was us!

That’s ridiculous, I know. But the mustache is a very mysterious entity. When I saw an article on Yahoo about the best movie mustaches I had to read on! Turns out there are only 3 types of mustaches:

1. The “Sexy.” Turns out only George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Robert Redford look gooooooooood with a mustache. And my mom would say William Hurt in Body Heat…but I can’t go there.

2. The “Funny.” Would Ron Burgundy have been as funny had he been mustacheless? I think not. Would Borat have been the same without Sasha’s mustache? Nope. A different type of this is when the character is epically cool but his mustache is so ridiculous that you can’t take him seriously (Kurt Russell in Tombstone, I’m looking at you.)

3. The “Crazy.” This was kind of touched upon earlier but some mustaches are just out of this world. They go from ridiculous to just plain crazy. This is when the facial hair completely deters from the character or the actor in general. The greatest examples of this type would be Harry Shearer in This is Spinal Tap and Steve Zahn in Happy Texas.

4. The “Creepy.” This is sometimes confused with the crazy but note that it is not the same. A creepy mustache can turn a cute guy like Matt Damon into a pedaphile. It is not to be underestimated. An already creepy fellow can transform into the creepiest man alive with a well-crafted creeper mustache. Antonio Banderas combines a look with the “creepy” and he is pretty terrifying in Four Rooms. Continue and check out Raul Julia’s “creepy” in The Addams Family or heck, just look at John Waters in general! Last but not least…

5. The “Dignified.” This is a common mustache seen on Sean Connery or in a lot of old Western movies. Clark Gable is an icon and I think the top secret reason is his mustache.

All of this is pointless though. Because Tom Selleck is #1 in terms of mustaches. His mustache is legendary and no one should be able to disagree with me. Just don’t try.

Thanks Pinterest. Tom Selleck rocks.